World of Datecraft

I have had quite a few friends dabble in the world of online dating. Eharmony for the marriage minded, JDate for the Jewish, and Adult Friend Finder for the frisky. However this last week I discovered an online dating site that shook me to the core... and I'm pretty sure the shaking was in result of the uncontrollable laughter/crying.

I now introduce to you the culmination of two beautiful yet horrifying worlds. Nerd boning and World of Warcraft. Should you be so lucky as to be single and have a fetish for elves, paladins, druids or any disturbing combination of the three, I have found your mecca. You should now immediately go to http://www.datecraft.com/.

If instead you are fearful of what you might find... or more realistically, you are afraid that someone might see you visit such a site and the shame might prove too much, I will provide you with a crossection of their dating database in order to facilitate your journey to nerd lovin'.

Nerd Muffin #1:

Overcompensating much Mr. Obscenely Big Sword? We all know size matters, but you have taken it one blond wig too far. I can't say that bulging pasty bicep doesn't intrigue me though.

Nerd Muffin #2:

Right back at ya you nerdy Elvis Guido. Imagine, after a couple of weeks of romantic IM-ing and erotic WoW raids, you decide to meet your online Romeo in person. The knock comes at the door, you passionately throw the door open, and are blinded by a nerd in an oversized white pant suit. Your days of dying alone are now over because, yes, you are already dead.

Nerd Muffin #3:

Having a face is really overrated. Imagine girls, he won't notice you've gained 10 pounds over the winter or be scoping out other women. Although he will still be able to speak, and really, who actually needs that in a man? Especially when you know all that is going to come out is raid play by plays and Weird Al renditions. Where's the duct tape?

Nerd Muffin #4:

That chubby little finger could be caressing your nose right now. Jealous? I thought so. Don't let Watto have all the fun, that nerd is ripe for the picking.

Nerd Muffin #5:

Don't worry boys, I have a bit of nerd eye candy for you too. And by candy I mean a vat of cheesy puffs floating in a sea of mountain dew. Added Bonus: I have an inkling there are boobies involved in this scenario.
. . .

Now that you have seen several nerd dating options, I will give you a couple tips on how to break the ice in wooing said nerd. For example:


Make sure to say something horribly vulgar when making your first impression, like Casanova Douchebag did in the above example. Also, make sure to buy some elf ears, ASAP.

In addition, consider placing an adorable picture of a puppy for your profile picture instead of your own ugly mug. I guarantee the following canine is getting more action than any other user on Datecraft. The next time we see him he will be covered in a fine layer of Cheeto dust. Don't worry, the Humane Society is on their way.