The 7 Deadly Elmans

For the last 2 weeks our arch nemesis Elman has retreated to his homeland. While one would assume that land would be Hell, Puerto Rico has to take the blame for breeding such a creature. Viva Mexico!

Now the question is do we miss him? Miss is a very broad term. I suppose we miss him like we miss a horribly debilitating sunburn. It hurts, but it's just so fun to peel and show friends, that you miss it when it's gone.

And so until Elman returns, Heidi and I have compiled a list of 7 Deadly Elmans that can fill the void of Elman's absence until he gets back.

1. Lust: Peruvian Elman

Therefore proving Peruvians are better, a Peruvian Elman has been kind enough to disrobe. You'd never think that a sentence with disrobe and Elman might exist, but there it is.

Oh the muscles, and the tanness. It's like the anti-Elman.

2. Gluttony: Elman's Herring

Elman tidbits? That is pure horror in a jar right there. Thank you for providing us with 70 years of canned herring Kosher Elman.

3. Greed: Watermelon Elman

The resemblance is uncanny right? Watermelon Elman is exorbitantly priced, but I feel that the flight to Japan and back would be well worth it if this was who greeted me at work every morning.

4. Sloth: The Real Elman

I've seen that level of speed and hygiene before. You weren't supposed to crawl back from Puerto Rico Elman. Get across the damn road already.

5: Wrath: Boss Level Elmon

In one of the many nerd games on Xbox 360, Lost Odyssey has created a whole race of Elmans. As though reading our minds, the Elmons are modeled very closely after the original. Little monkey like creatures who go around pestering and looting, you must ruthlessly exterminate them before you can continue on in the game.

6: Envy: Elmie Doll

When we actually find Elman endearing we call him Elmie. This has happened about 1.5 times. As luck would have it, someone has transformed our feelings about Elmie into a doll. You know Elman wishes he had this many pink ruffles... or such a buxom figure.

7: Pride: Mexican Pride Elman

Ah Señora Elman, your subject shouldn't be Español, it should be teaching the real Elman how to be cool. Its a sad day when an animated bean in a sombrero outcools you.

We await your return, Orginal Elman. Mostly because we are running out of material... we wish you a safe trip back.