A Female Character Analysis

Both today and yesterday I was informed by World of Warcraft fiends that I made an obvious mistake when illustrating blood elf porn in the last post. The creature I thought was a blood elf was in fact a Draenei. Of course, of course, how could I be SO blind?

And so to avoid any further embarrassment in front of our legions of nerds, I have conducted an analysis of some of the female characters found in several nerd realms. And by characters I mean sluts. Through no fault of their own, the nerds who created these character illustrations have clearly been to the strip club one too many times and are now unleashing their depraved nerd fantasies the world over.

Slut #1: Draenei

So here is the infamous Draenei. Where I went wrong the other day was that I missed the fact that the Draenei have a distinctive characteristic protruding from their butt... some might call it a tail. While others claim the blood elf and Draenei are obviously different (Mr. Digitel and Mr. Deathklaw), I make determining those differences analogous to telling the difference between Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen... can't do it and don't care.

Slut#2: Blood Elf

Okay, so maybe there a few more differences. The blood elf is missing those floopy things behind the ear, and has far fancier eyebrows. Also, these girls have a reputation not unlike your high school varsity cheerleading team.

Slut #3: Dryad

That is one curvaceous tree. Where the hell did all her leaves go? I'm pretty sure this tree nymph is about to get her ass clearcut.

Slut #4: Drow

Drow are some sort of evil creatures that enjoy pain and torture. I'm not so much worried about her evil plans, but if the laces in that corset don't hold, it's all over for the both of us.

Slut #5: Orc

Nope, not going to say a word. I'm pretty sure even her pinky toe could end the world.

Slut #6: Troll


This is what we call a mythological butterface. For some reason I had the impression that trolls lived under bridges, but apparently they average 7 feet tall and will rip your throat out before you even get close to grabbin' that fine ass.

Slut #7: Halfling

Otherwise known as plain Jane, the halflings are hobbits. And if we know anything about Lord of the Rings, Elijah Wood is going to be about as feminine as it gets with this race.

Slut #8: Satyr


Well look who just found her future larp outfit. If I can wear 5 inch heels, I'm sure I can rock the hooves. Heidi, do you think you can knit me some satyr pants by summer?

Slut #9: Centaur

Well that's just creepy. I'm sure this girl was thrilled when she realized her nerd boyfriend photoshopped her into a four legged freak.

Slut #10: Elman


Speaking of creepy... Elman, stop being a whore. You know men won't respect you if you go parading around like that.

I'm sure I've missed a few, but they will have to wait for another day. And to all the readers who found this boring because of the World of Warcraft references, you can shut it, I know for a fact you enjoyed the virtual boobage. After this, I might as well start up nerd Playboy.