Nerd Trial: Magic the Gathering Online

I blame Heidi. She just HAD to go on vacation, leaving me to my own devices for a whole week. And what do I decide to go and do? I am going to download Magic the Gathering Online. Created by some mathematician and Wizards of the Coast (the creators of D&D), Magic just screams nerd. What proof do I have you ask? A certain Elman plays it which would be enough said, but on top of that he pours countless dollars into virtual cards. That's right. The man (god what a horrible descriptor) is not even buying tangible nerd gear. He is buying nerd pixels!

So in effort to understand the awe of these magical nerd pixels, I have started downloading the game. I don't know what's with these nerd games taking an eternity to download. I could have driven to the comic book store, bought a crate of real Magic cards, unwrapped them, mocked Elman and then burned the cards in the time it took for this game to finish downloading. And then this happened.


EXCUSE ME!?! I just wasted 2 hours of my nerd life so that you can be a whore and crash the first time I open you? AND THE SECOND!? Aha! Well, thankfully these developers thought ahead and put a repair button on the opening screen.


Oh NO you didn't! I have to now download six times the number of files I did the first time around? What IS this? I'm downloading Elman's nerd hobby, not his porn collection!

... ... ... still downloading ... ... ... oh, getting a little closer... ... ... oh my god, I think I died... ... ... only 10 more files to go. YES, SUCCESS! Launch program...

That's it. Review OVER. Magic the Gathering is the worst game in history. And this is my bug report: SUCK IT. This game has managed to drain my soul before I even bought one single nerd pixel. I'm sure Elman has somehow used his nerd powers to hijack my computer and block me from entering his sacred nerd land. Well you know what I say to that? I SUMMON...

I claim victory with just one card. Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta.