A Real Super Hero to Call Our Own

Sorry for the long break between posts. I have been seeking inspiration/falling asleep while watching marathon sessions of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It is a pitiful life I live, writing about nerds and wishing I could be a demon killer. But then that elusive inspiration hit yesterday. Inspiration for a nerd post and for me to one day become the superhero Dracula ass-kicker I always wanted to be.

Over in good old Cincinnati, a 21 year old nerd has taken it upon himself to become the city's masked avenger. His name is The Shadow Hare. Yeah, I wouldn't imagine the name strikes fear into the hearts of his enemies either, but then you see him in person...

Alright, no fear there either. However he claims to to have defeated drug dealers, robbers and all sorts of other unseemly characters. This is all well and good, until one delves further and discovers that Shadow Hare is part of The Allegiance of Heroes.

What's wrong with belonging to this Allegiance? Nothing, except when you realize that these masked vigilantes of justice are actually larpers and cos-players with a new, dangerous maybe even nerdier hobby.

In this most impressive line up of heroes, I have found a few I would like to import to the Puget Sound area. We have plenty of drug dealers, pedophiles and murderers in lovely Tacoma that need a good beatdown, but mostly Heidi and I are seeking back up against the indestructible Elman creature. Seriously people, he's like a cockroach, the more you squish him with your shoe, the stronger he comes back.

Candidite #1: The Angle Grinder Man

This hero wanders around London freeing cars of their wheel clamps. Sure he has limited skills and a horrifyingly accentuated shiny package, but I feel we could easily use his clamping skills to immobilize Elman and then have him permanently impounded. Um EW, that came off sounding far more dirty than deadly. //puke. That's right it warranted the double slash puke.

Candidate #2: Superbarrio

I actually feel really bad making fun of this one, because he does a lot of good in his community, but sacrifices must be made. His Mexican roots will lull Elman into a false sense of security, and then BAM, swine flu will be rained upon him. Too soon? Nope, there's no time to waste in the destruction of Elman.

Candidate #3: Polar Man

The World Superhero Database describes Polar Man as an unknown white man who prowls the streets shoveling elders' steps and walkways and entertaining children. You must be wondering how in the world this guy and his snow shovel might terrorize our dear Elman. Well clearly Polar Man is a serious threat to Elman's dating and social calendar. When all the geriatrics dump Elman for Polar Man, he will have no reason to go on.

Elman doesn't stand a chance against our powerful allies. If you are looking for your own vigilante, make sure to check out the Hero Database here:

World Super Hero Registry