A Day of No Lauren

We queers have something called "A Day of Silence." The idea is that we have one day a year one which we don't speak so as to call attention to... well, how awesome we are. You know, make other people realize what it would be like not to have us doing their hair and decorating their homes (this really doesn't work for my kind of queer.. but the idea holds true). Today, our office had its first annual "Day of No Lauren" and I will be the first to say, I now know how awesome she is.

Yes, Lauren's and my schedules are off by two days, so there are two days a week that technically qualify as "Days of No Lauren" but I've gotten used to those. Today was an unexpected loss. The nerdiness was breath-taking. For starters, The Boffer brought in a Boffing Sword! Boffing, you remember from Lauren's helpful post, is like LARPing, but "with stiffer weapons" (/gag). I requested a demonstration and am glad to be able to bring to light the hilarity that can occur at 6:15 in the morning:




Then, Elman blasphemed, calling Jesus a "20 Level Cleric," which resulted in his providing this gem as... proof?:



Thanks to google, I was able to get a bit more explanation from some unrelated nerd's blog. However, because I am not, myself, a nerd, I don't know how to get a screenshot on my home computer (a "windows machine"). At work, sure, but that's because it's necessary to do my job. Regardless, let's just say, google "Jesus Level 20" and you'll find some good stuff.

Later, when Elman did something semi-decent and ordered us all pizza, another nerd (I really only feel comfortable naming Elman... the others have my respect, and thus, shan't be named) uttered the most horrible words I've ever heard in my life. Lauren, you'll know... you'll know:

Nerd 1 to Nerd 2: Aren't you going to fill up your HP?
Heidi: Whaaa?
Nerd 1: HP... Health Points
Heidi: Please don't tell me this involves....
Nerd 1: The Turtles, yeah.
Heidi: (through searing head pain) Like, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Nerd 1: (through much eye-rolling) Uh, yeah.

(Those of you who don't work in my office and/or live with Elman's mom might need a more elaborate translation... but I just don't have it in me to give it... suffice it to say, pizza=energy, and not just in the obvious eating-keeps-us-alive kind of way)

What else, what else.... Elman's List grew by leaps and bounds today. Once upon a time, Elman, oh Elman... He said the word "thighs." Without my permission, my cursed brain pictured the atrocity. And immediately, the list was born. Elman's list is comprised of words that musn't be ruined by his use of them. The list grew today when Elman said "jiggle," followed shortly by "homies." No Elman! No! Just.... just no. So today's additions include:

Jiggle
Homies
Spoon
Shooting Blanks (which, poor Elman, he said about 20 times without irony)

But, as I said, Elman was slightly decent today. He bought lunch. He said something nice to me... what was it? Oh! I let him keep "ponies," as badly as I wanted to put it on the list just to spite him. So, my reward: tomorrow, I get one less fat joke. Thank you, Elman. You are a prince among men. Really, how are you a 22 year old man living with your mom? It boggles the mind.

Ah, finally, the nerdiest thing of the day happened... at Lauren's own hand. Today I got my first glimpse of our blogger image, in which Lauren and I are D&D chicks. I was perplexed at first... I am not wearing glasses in my picture, so it couldn't have come from work. And then I realized. Myspace. Myyyyyyspace!!!!! You, Lauren, are walking a thin line. You're going to need some reeling in.

But still, I've learned a valuable lesson today, this Day of No Lauren. It was... it was... nerdy. It cannot happen again. Lauren! Do you need soup?! Do you need a blanket?! What do you need to get you back to work tomorrow?