Sampsonia Way, Pennyslvania- The Nexus of Weird

There has been an image from Google Earth street view making the internet rounds the last few days exposing a couple of larpers out in the urban elements. Smack in downtown Pittsburgh, on Sampsonia Way, 2 larpers with boffers and all are going at it without any consideration that they are most likely instigating the first larper hate crime. However, as we will soon see, they aren't the weirdest things on Sampsonia, which is clearly a parallel universe of insanity.

Oh friends, don't you know the larper native habitat is in the woods? You have nowhere to hide when a bully comes up, steals your boffer, and beats you half to death with it. Oh wait, conveniently enough I, Lauren Larp, as I have been dubbed by Elman, have found this place down the street that can be your larp refuge:


Oh yes, that is in fact a GIGANTIC raw chicken. Nothing out of the ordinary, just the biggest salmonella biohazard one will ever see. And of course, you can't miss the Ham Man across the street staring you down:


Sampsonia Way really can't get better than meat corner, can it? Oh, but then it does. There is absolutely no way to introduce what exactly is happening in this particular garage:



Wait, what? WHAT!? What in the name of giant poultry is going on here? This is like some scene out of a horror movie. Do those people have kidney sunglasses? A block down, you will see the crazy man with a laser has already gotten to some poor, poor dog:



YUP, his leg fell off. This street of hell makes me want to cry. As you turn away from the deformed dog, you will be excited to find you have come across the crazy house where all of this must have originated:

I have no idea what those squiggles mean, but I'm pretty sure it's directions for devil worship. Or maybe it's Chinese, who the hell knows. I've already turned around and realized I'm in the middle of a freaking parade. You know what Pittsburgh? You are one weird, crazy little place... and I just might have to visit, with a boffer in hand of course, so I can defend myself from your mutant meat products.